I have had the privilege of birthing 6 babies. I have been fascinated and amazed by pregnancy and childbirth ever since! As a result I have become a DONA certified doula to journey with other women into motherhood. Here’s 10 things I learned from having babies and watching others have them!
1. They call it labor for a reason! Childbirth is no joke, it takes perseverance and hard work but like all things that have value, it’s totally worth it! Chances of experiencing a labor you cherish is greatly increased with a good mental attitude and feeling supported!
2. Your body is amazing! A woman’s body was created to give birth to babies and even though you may be unsure how this is going to happen, it does and it is a wonderful and awe inspiring thing to behold! I remember when the nurse in my first childbirth class explained how my cervix would dilate to 10 cm (the size of a cantaloupe melon sliced) and then I would begin pushing my baby out of my body, I just didn’t know how that was possible and yet it was!
3. During transition you want to quit or strip! Having experienced 6 births of my own and witnessed many others I now see the transition phase is a big mental hurdle to overcome before meeting your baby! During transition when your cervix is dilating from about 8-10 cm in the homestretch and you are nearly ready to start pushing your baby out there is such intensity of contractions and not a lot of time between them that there is an urge to give up! I’ve heard many women declare they couldn’t or weren’t going to do this anymore (ironically no woman has a choice at this point) but with gentle encouragement and someone to help you refocus your mindset on the beautiful baby arriving this can help, many women at this stage feel very hot and oftentimes feel the need to shed any remaining articles of clothing. This can be a good clue to doulas or support people that we are hopefully getting close to full dilation!
4. Childbirth is a messy scene! There most literally blood, sweat, and tears and oftentimes poop! Having a baby is intense and not for the faint of heart or stomach! As the woman contracts there is more loss of bloody tissue and during the pushing stage the body’s main goal is to clear the path for the baby and when mom pushes she’s using the same muscles used to do a bowel movement, not much control of that and yes sometimes a poopy sneaks out! Baby is covered in some bloody mucus but don’t worry none of this is strong enough to repel you from the baby you love. I think right from birth us mothers are given a glimpse of what motherhood will be...hard, painful, messy, but the child is definitely worth it!
5. Things don’t always go as planned! I remember diligently working on my birth plan before the birth of my first child and hoping all would go accordingly. If you ask me now I couldn’t even tell you what was on the plan. Oftentimes things don’t go exactly as we hoped or planned but what I’ve heard and learned through doulas often around me from the kind midwives I’ve worked alongside is the goal is “healthy baby, healthy mom” and if those two things are true there’s much to rejoice about!
6. You are stronger than you think you are! If you’ve had the privilege of birthing a baby you soon realize you are stronger than you think you are! I remember feeling this way after the birth of my first child, I thought, “if I can do this I can do anything!” and it truly boosted my confidence. I can honestly say birthing my children feels like my greatest accomplishment. It reminds me I am capable of more than I think I am.
7. Recovering from having a baby takes time! I remember hearing it would take 6 weeks for my postpartum uterus to return to it’s pre-pregnancy size and at least that long to resume pre-pregnancy activities. What I didn’t realize was that I would never return to my pre pregnancy self! Becoming a mother alters not only your body but everything about you body, mind, and soul and I would say for the better! Accept the change and embrace your new life, it can be beautiful in so many ways you never imagined.
8. You forget how intense labor was! You don’t really forget, how can you, but the intensity of the pain lessens over time (I’d say like a year) and if you are blessed to have a good experience with mothering you may even start considering the possibility of having another baby! It’s funny how time can help us move forward and even to try something again that was very challenging.
9. You need a team! We’ve all probably heard about women who have had multiples and who have a team around them to help them feed and care for all their precious babies and to me this seems totally reasonable and yet a mama who has just had one baby also needs a team! This may not be an actual team in your home daily but a group of people (husbands definitely count) who you can lean on when you need a meal, a rest, a adult to talk to. I can never repay my mom who was able to come stay with me for about a week after the birth of each of my children. She gave up her time and rearranged her life schedule so she could be with me and lend a hand (extra appreciated especially after the first child) or help in whatever way she could. I will always cherish her support. I realize not everyone has this gift available to them but I definitely encourage mamas to lean on others for support when needed especially in the early days when you may feel isolated. It’s okay to ask for help, we need it on the mothering journey.
10. If you feel like you are a sleepless zombie nursing 24/7 you are doing it right! If you are a mom who has the privilege of breastfeeding your little one, be patient with yourself! I didn’t realize the hard work didn’t end after labor, nursing can feel like that and can take perseverance and patience to establish so don’t be too hard on yourself. I also would encourage any mama to seek the help and support of a lactation consultant or a mama who’s had success in nursing. A newborn needs to eat a lot so there goes uninterrupted sleep and well laid plans! The good news is this is a very important job that you are best equipped for! Just like labor was worth persevering through so is the task of breastfeeding your baby and the perks are outstanding. You get to cuddle and bond with this amazing new human being and there’s nothing like it, so enjoy the sleepless nights and feeling like a dairy cow, one day you’ll look back and long for that amazing occupation again!